A is for
Amy is my best friend from home. Her hot ass rolled into my 7th grade band practice and I first saw her chatting with a few of my friends in the hallway. She was all dark hair and shiny lips, which is her signature to this day. I strolled by, nodded my hello then proceeded to yell down the hall at someone to “go fuck themselves” to which she turned to my friends and said “that girl is cool”. We’ve been friends ever since. We are probably soul mates, which sucks, because neither of us is gay. In an ideal world, Amy and I would buy a brownstone together and live like Rob and Big. We would own high class strip clubs and 5 star restaurants where she is head chef. We would travel the world and adopt babies like Angelina. We would have our men, but they would be on the side, like french fries.
B is for
Bikini Modeling: While browsing in a bathing suit shop in Miami a few weeks ago I got roped in to doing a segment for Channel 7. I ended up on camera in a bikini and blingy accessories the reporter chose for me. Those viewers don’t know what they are in for. I anticipate getting fan mail very soon.
Blueberry stoli and Sprite: My new favorite drink thanks to Lianne. There are only so many Mojitos one can drink in a weekend.
Bachelorette parties: Everyone should have one even if you aren’t getting married. No naked men needed, just Mojitos and Blueberry Stolis.
Birthdays: It was Sheryl’s birthday while we were in Miami. Every birthday should be filled with professional soccer players with suites at the Shore club.
Boy toys: A necessity. Like water. Sometimes you get thirsty.
C is for
College Competitive Cheerleading: I just found out that my coworker’s friend made the squad at Pitt the year that I graduated. I was on the squad for 5 years. There is nothing like the energy of the stadium; nothing like 80,000 people rooting for your team, waiting for you to lead them in a chant…or to see you fuck up your routine…which ever came first.
To be continued…