Tamara Lynch

Gotta luv hump day afternoon. Below is a typical email conversation between me and my old high school friend (yes, we fucked in high school) during work hours. Enjoy!

Yo. How was your Christmas? What did you do? Who did you do?

Me: I did nothing, I screwed no one.

Jer: Why didn’t you do anyone?

Me: Because I am sick of men and the three minutes is takes them to cum. I break more of a sweat taking my clothes off.

Jer: Well, I just gave away four O’s in one session, starting with just a finger banging session…So I’m doin alright…Quit finding babies then…or mama’s boys.

Me: Yeah, right. These girls you find are so hard up that they cum the minute you look at them. They aren’t babies or mama’s boys, they just can’t keep up with me. I flip the script, I take control, and they cream their f’ing pants. Yawn.

Jer: Whatever…because you are so into poon, it takes you forever to get off (Jer always calls me a lesbian, mostly because I have no desire to fuck him ever again)…it’s not their fault that you are immune to getting off…You are into fetish crap…And yes, they are mama’s boys. Hey, however you want to look at it…my devastating looks make them wet on the spot, so yes, they do come fast.

Me: Of course you would say that. But it doesn’t take me long, just a few minutes longer than it seems to take most loser guys. Fetishes aren’t crap. And rough sex isn’t a fetish. Your devastating looks? It couldn’t be that they are all single moms that crave any sort of naked contact that doesn’t include breast feeding a baby? Of course not.

Jer: All of them that I meet are already getting banged or have been banged a lot recently. But then they meet me…and they fall in love…because they say they never knew it could be like that! And they had given up hope (just like you are doing), and then BAM, they get it like they’ve never had it before. Don’t be jealous b/c I’m succeeded at being a good lover compared to my High School days. Consider me a success story…punk.

Me: Well now you make them all sound like white trash hos. It’s good to know you don’t have to work very hard to get them out of their panties. I’m not jealous. I’ve had some good d*ck. I consider you a success every time you get someone to take their clothes off for you, regardless of how drunk they are.

Jer: LOL!!!! Oh that’s okay. I know you’ll never give me credit. But I’m the guy all the girls write into Maxim about when it comes to their amazing experiences and craziest things they’ve done…word.