Five Things I Hope The Fifty Shades Of Grey Movie Does Better Than The Book.

fifty-shades-thumbI’m still on the fence about seeing Fifty Shades of Grey the movie this Valentine’s Day. Honestly, the only draw for me is Jamie Dornan. I’ve just finished watching both seasons of The Fall and am now in full blown Jamie withdraw. But even his hotness can’t squelch my hesitation to sit through this story again. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the sexier scenes, but there are several things throughout the trilogy that could have used a stronger edit.

Here are five that I hope the movie version can eradicate.

1. Anastasia’s annoying inner dialog: All of those “Oh Christian’s” and that strange elvish inner vixen that stomps her foot and bats her eyelashes-WTF?? They have got to go!

2. Anastasia’s ignorance of the 21st century:  These days an American twenty-two year old virgin college senior is rare, but possible.  But an American twenty-two year old virgin college senior with no cell phone, laptop, or internet knowledge is a fucking joke. That, my friend, is what we call an unbelievable character. If you know someone that fits this description, then Unicorns are real.

3. The fake BDSM:  Being tied up, blindfolded, paddled, and fucked hard as punishment is not BDSM. For some it’s just a Saturday night.

4. All peripheral women are depicted as thirsty whores:  From the waitresses to the architect, every woman that Christian comes in contact with becomes a walking vagina weeping for his dick, so much so that they can’t help but to squirm and smile into his eyes, in front of Ana.  Really? Must all women be simpering idiots in this story?

5. Anastasia’s dull personality: Sadly, Anastasia isn’t interesting. At all. She’s like an Amish farm girl who’s been pushed into her rumspringa.  She’s even less interesting than her inspiration Bella, who was bland, I believe, on purpose to contrast her more vibrant vampire self. Too bad Ana has no such transformation.  It’s on Dakota Johnson to bring Ana to life. Keep your fingers crossed.

In most cases the book is better than the movie, this time I hope it’s the other way around. Tell me, are you going to go see Fifty Shades?

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American Eagle get’s “REAL.” #UnretouchedAds #AerieREAL

o-AMERICAN-EAGLE-UNRETOUCHED-570American Eagle Outfitters has launched a Spring 2014 campaign using un-airbrushed / un-retouched ads. It’s a powerful statement about body image from a brand who’s demographic is 15-21 year old girls-that age range when your body and all of it’s changes is still a bit of a mystery.  Kudos AE.  With more campaigns like these, I hope our young ladies can shake off that feeling of being flawed, and realize that they are flawless.

Read a full article and see some more un-retouched pics on Huff Post.

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Old School for the New School: Afrika Bambaataa is Teaching Hip-Hop 101 to Your Kids. #Cornelluniversity #hiphop

Even if you don’t know him, you know him.  Hip-Hop Icon Afrika Bambaataa brought you Renegades of Funk, Just get up and Dance, and Planet Rock (Everyone knows Planet Rock). And now he will teach it to the world.  Cornell University, a private Ivy league research university in Ithaca, NY, has offered him a three term deal as a visiting scholar to teach Hip-Hop music and culture. South Bronx in the house! Meanwhile, Cornell’s library holds the largest national archive of hip-hop culture.  I’m completely serious… and a little pissed that I didn’t know about this when I decided to go to PITT.  However, I am 100 years old, so they were probably building it at the time.

How do I get in this class?  How can I get my friends in?  Just the other day my 25 year old coworker looked at a flyer for a party we were attending and said “who’s da-see-eff-x?”  Das EFX, fool!  Please Afrika, help them.

Now I want to hear Planet Rock.

Finally! ELLE mag hit one out of the park

Finally all those skinny bitches can go home.  There is a new girl in town.  She’s big, she’s black, and she’s beautiful.  I love that I can say that, correction, that “we” can say that.  This means a lot to me as a black woman, and is a milestone for women like my best friend-who is a happy, healthy, fabulous size 22. 

I am however upset that there is controversy over whether her skin has been lightened or not…to be honest, I think that is just media crap.  I read something that said Gab’s predecessors didn’t get lightened.  Umm…how can you tell?  Can you really tell me that Megan Fox didn’t get a little photo shop on her skin color.  No, you prob can’t, because she is already white as snow.  Stop taking this moment away from Gabourey.  You can still tell she is amazing and that is all I care about.